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One of the most amusing and yet profound parts of the Angel Therapy Practitioner course I took in Kona in June was the day we were each handed a button to wear that said, "I am profoundly clairvoyant." It put a smile on my face as I pinned the neon-green button to my shirt. The reason it was so amusing to me is that this has been one of my "issues" since I began my conscious spiritual path around 1995. I stumbled upon Reiki quite by accident... the accident of synchronicity. I attended my Reiki level one class without ever having experienced a Reiki treatment. In fact, I had never even heard of it until the string of synchronicities led me to a woman who listened to my story and told me I should "do Reiki". So I did! I remember feeling very insecure in the class. It wasn't the people: my teacher was warm and welcoming, and the other students were very nice. It was me. I noticed that the others "felt" something that I didn't feel. I had to strain to imagine the sensations that others spoke excitedly about. During the meditations, the others described vivid visions and messages. I felt a little depressed but I knew that deep in my heart, I was going to practice Reiki anyway. I continued through all three levels and carried with me the feeling that I wasn't quite good enough, talented enough, special enough to be a Reiki Master. I remember a moment when one of the "gifted" students said to me, "Yes, I can see things but you are the lucky one. You are doing this on faith and that is a real gift." It took me a while to appreciate these words, as I was busy being jealous of the people who had obvious psychic gifts. Meanwhile, when I worked with people, they could feel the energy, whether I did or not. They responded, relaxed, felt better, let go of old stuff. They described the tingling and warmth they felt when I put my hands on them, and how they could feel "stuff" moving through their bodies. I tried not to think about my lack of psychic connection, and kept practicing because I really wanted to. Looking back, I see how my ego was controlling me. I was measuring myself according to the achievements of others, and I found myself falling short. I was disappointed in myself and felt "less than". I craved what the others had. I felt angry that I couldn't have it. I now feel compassion for the insecure being that I was at that time. In Kona, I knew I was surrounded by many "talented" people who had relationships with angels, and had highly developed psychic abilities. Some of these old insecurities returned, and I breathed deeply and reminded myself that I was meant to be there. When Doreen Virtue began the segment on the Four Clairs, I was very interested. I was convinced that I was neither clairvoyant, clairaudient, clairsentient nor claircognizant. Doreen spoke about how we all have insecurities and feel alone in our lack of psychic ability. She said, "We all think we are the exception to the rule." This resonated deeply and healed something deep within me. It was both exciting and reassuring to realize (and have it spoken aloud) that in our humanness, we share the same doubts and fears. This lifted a burden off of me. Doreen began to talk about the Four Clairs. Clairvoyance, she said, was the most common Clair, but it didn't just refer to visions. She went on to say that we can get messages through our third eye as well as our physical eyes. When we notice the same number over and over, for example, that is an occurrence of clairvoyance. We are receiving a divine message just as surely as if we had received a vision during a meditation. The same applied to clairaudience. We might hear voices or messages in dreams and meditations but the messages we hear with our physical ears are just as important. Maybe we hear a snippet of conversation as two people pass by us on the street, and those few words feel meaningful. That, too, is clairaudience. By the way, I have been awakened from dreams and meditative states by voices giving me a clear message, and sometimes it feels like the voice was coming outside of me. But of course I never considered THAT to be clairaudience, because I had convinced myself that I was psychically shut down! Clairsentience is feeling things. How many times have I got a cramp or sensation in my stomach when something seemed off, or I knew I was hearing a lie? Why did I not credit those things with clairsentience? I find claircognizance extremely interesting because I have come to believe this is the one Clair that comes most naturally to me. I sometimes hear myself saying things to other people that are profound and helpful, and I don't really know where it's coming from. It feels a bit like channelling wisdom. I sometimes don't even remember what I said. It's a bit like tapping into a pool of knowledge that I really didn't expect to have access to. Lastly, I will address the little-known fifth Clair, clairolfactorience. I admit, I made up the word, and it has nothing to do with hair dye! It means to smell something that is not necessarily accessible to all people. If clairvoyance is "the supernatural power of seeing objects or actions removed in space or time from natural viewing" (Dictionary.com), then clair-olfactor(y)ence is the nasal counterpart. More than once, I have smelled something (fragrance) during a healing session that was inexplicable, except to assume that sweet-smelling angels were present and assisting. So gather up your confidence and know the truth about yourself: YOU ARE PROFOUNDLY CLAIRVOYANT (and more)!!! The music in this video is from Whales of the Pacific.
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I have been reflecting on what I call Mother-Guilt. If you are a mother, you know exactly what I mean, but let me explain. It is this constant, underlying feeling that you have not quite measured up as a mother. It may range from a minor feeling of disappointment to an overwhelming sense of failure, of past opportunities lost, and of no resources to make everything okay. I raised my three children mostly as a single mother. I loved my boys and did my best to be there for them emotionally and to make sure they didn't lack anything because of our family constellation. We had our ups and downs, but I felt close to them and looked forward to seeing them transform into independent young men. I honestly thought I would avoid the "empty nest" syndrome. I saw my sons as brilliant, creative individuals who would thrive in the world on their own. However, as they left home one by one, I began to experience a deep heaviness. It wasn't the loss of having them leave home; it was an overwhelming feeling of guilt and regret for having failed them. I would torment myself with memories of their childhood or teen years, when I was struggling emotionally and ended up taking it out on them. How many times did my perfectionist qualities cause me to yell at them for something as inconsequential as cleaning up? How often did my own pain plant seeds of shame in them for having made a mistake? I cried so many tears as I grieved for the perfect mother that never was. I felt a terrible guilt over having hurt my children, causing them to judge themselves, neglecting to see things from their point of view or lacking kindness, compassion and patience. This created a deep well of grief and self-judgment. I am lucky because I was able to go to each child, who had by then become a young man, and say, "I love you so much and I feel bad that I couldn't always be a good mother to you. I am so sorry for ever hurting you in any way. Please forgive me." And these beautiful beings forgave me right away. Not only that, they took responsibility for their own behaviours that had sometimes triggered a negative reaction in me. These were healing moments. I feel gratitude well up in me even now, years later, as I remember these conversations. But what I realized that it was even more important to forgive myself and that was the hardest. Occasionally I still have a thought of self-judgment or self-recrimination but I remove it as soon as I am aware of it. I will not allow myself to go there, because by feeding those thoughts, I risk the chance that they will overtake me, much like a toxic weed that runs rampant in the garden. And so I have created this meditation for all the mothers. Mother-guilt seems to be a universal experience, which in some ways soothes me because it is a natural outcome of being a human who has taken on the role of motherhood. We share in this, and in doing so, naturally relieve the burden of our shame and pain. It helps me to remember that my child is not mine. He is not my possession or belonging or extension. He is a unique spark of divinity who came with his own Life Purpose and karma. Every struggle he has is not necessarily due to something I did or failed to do; his path is his own. It also helps me to remember that my child chose me and I chose him. Spiritually, we agreed that we would have a mutually beneficial relationship in terms of personal growth. We were a perfect fit for spiritual advancement and for learning the lessons we chose to work on in this lifetime. It is the human condition that so much of this work is done unconsciously and it is a blessing when we start to awaken and can continue our work together with our eyes open. It helps me to remember that when all is said and done, it is only love that remains and only love that is real. At any point in our path, when we remember this, the angels sing and rejoice. This knowledge helps the process of self-forgiveness to be a little easier. I suggest you listen to this meditation once for each child that you have. If you have a beloved child who has passed, or you have experienced a miscarriage or stillbirth, please honour that child as well. If your children are adopted or you have step-children or any other role-model relationship, strengthen that bond with this meditation. If you have an estranged, damaged or dysfunctional relationship with a child, it is important to change this dynamic energetically, and that is what this meditation is for. It is not always possible to speak directly to your child for many different reasons, but you can always speak with your heart and mind, set intentions of healing, and forgive yourself. You deserve to be free of the guilt that comes from being a mother, and to enjoy a relationship of respect and freedom with each of your children. Remember love! The following meditation was created for mothers and mother-figures. . |
AuthorI am a Mystic Angel with some Fairy energy whose Life Purpose is to learn, teach and share the esoteric and mysterious. Archives
June 2014
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